I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Found the puke drawer
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
