I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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