i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
