Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
