I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize