Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
