That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
