She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize