my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
