Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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