Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you didnt know i had herpes?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
we should paint friendship bongs
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
