I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
