haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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