Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
