The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
