I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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