Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
