I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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