They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
