I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
