3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
