I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
