were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
