she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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