super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
