He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
