I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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