my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
