This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize