Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
