we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
