can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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