I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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