mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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