We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize