I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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