I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
