i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
