I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize