this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
