pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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