It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
