I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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