Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
