WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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