Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
