just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
