I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
