What a fucking waste of an outfit
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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