Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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