I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
