If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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