not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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