omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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