:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Randomize
