I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
