who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
