I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
