billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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