Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
