Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
