i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
