You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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