Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
