We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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