just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
