When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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