can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
